In Amy Winehouse’s magisterial 2006 single, Love is a Losing Game, she sings: “For you, I was a flame/ Love is a losing game/ Five story fire as you came/ Love is a losing game.”
Her voice here is tender, downcast, and almost subdued. In the song, she grapples with a familiar subject: the elusiveness of love.
In Just Might, from her 2019 Over It, Summer Walker riffs on the subject with equally morose lyrics. As she sings “Love is a losing game, so I just might be a ho,” we feel the thick, suffocating fog of despair that hangs around her. But it’s not just despair, it’s anger, hopelessness, confusion, delusion, all of these viciously hurtling towards you in the wake of an imminent heartbreak. Soon, you realise, a little too late, that your lover has drifted from you. Even when physically with you, you feel a world of distance from them. The forcefulness of the truth finally hits you: their heart no longer lies with you.
Of course, love is not always a losing game. Sometimes we get the happily-ever-after stories. Take the case of the wedding of Oluwatosin “Mr. Eazi” Ajibade and Temilolowa Ajibade (nee Otedola). In the past week, we have been inundated with gorgeous pictures, clips from their wedding, and stories from their relationship, which has nearly spanned a decade, that make our hearts quiver with joy. In this installment of Vox Pop, a new column in which we solicit entries from the public responding to an exciting and culturally relevant question, we train our focus on the question: at what point did you notice your partner didn't love you anymore?
Rank Fedeno, Lagos, Nigeria
The first time she asked me to mind my business when I asked about her whereabouts
Starr, Nigeria
Specifically, the day I raised an issue & I was met with arrogance, unfortunately. It wasn’t too long before she mentioned everything don kpafuka.
Mara, Abuja, Nigeria
Multiple times, but the first one I noticed was when I got an award at work during the end-of-year party (he was there with me), and he just said Congratulations in passing. My babes were there and were screaming their lungs out. These girls and even some of my friends who weren’t there posted and sent me messages, and all my “man” didn't say anything. Even when my brother sent me a bouquet or when our mutual friend sent me a platter. See, may God not allow the affliction of Urhobo men rise again o!
Stoic number 1, Plateau, Nigeria
After the first incident, this person repeatedly got intimate with randoms and was seemingly repentant each time. If this had happened without a framework, I'd have just thought nothing of it. But there was one. "Just the two of us, no third parties"
Cyrus, Abuja, Nigeria
Most times, I could really be the smaller things. She had gone off to school, so we had transitioned to a long-distance relationship. Everything felt all right, but gradually something felt off. The biggest giveaway was that, all of a sudden, she started saying "love you, too" rather than "I love you, too." I knew then, and I wasn’t wrong.
Mighty Wing, Abuja, Nigeria
The calls and texts were completely off. They weren't as fast or as in-depth as they used to be.
Shallipopi, Canada
I noticed my partner didn’t love me anymore when the little things started fading. At first, she always wanted to be around me, waiting after classes, calling, texting, flirting, and saying sweet things. But later on, it all changed. She became “too busy,” stopped spending time with me, took forever to reply, and would even ignore me for weeks. The care and affection that once came naturally just disappeared.
Taken together, these responses paint a rather bleak portrait of love, echoing Amy Winehouse and Summer Walker’s supposition that love is a losing game. And maybe it is, maybe there is no winning with this. But will this reality deter us from trying to find love, however elusive it might be? I think not. We’ve come to the end of this installment of our Vox Pop series. Join us here next week for another serving of sizzling stories. If you wish to contribute to the series, head to our Instagram Stories on Thursdays and Saturdays, where you’ll find a form and our question of the week.
