Navigating the nature of romantic relationships as an asexual woman

You’re not normal” 

In a world where being normal isn’t craved for but abnormality is welcomed in full strides. How many people would take offence to being told they’re not normal? 

Not much.

But the truth is different when you’re a 17-year-old who’s grappling to understand the rave about sex. Being told you’re not normal in those moments makes you want to be normal.  It makes you embark on a search to find out what normal is and find answers to what you are if not “normal

This was how Reis discovered she was asexual. It’s one thing to find out what you are, it’s another thing to navigate life with the knowledge of what you are. 

Relationships are quite sexual, In real life, very few people are waiting for marriage and even fewer people are willing to deal with the lack of sex in relationships. For Reis, she had to learn this the hard way. Potential beautiful relationships never get to happen once she disclosed the sex factor. She also got cheated on while in a relationship because of her inability to put out. 

So how does she navigate romantic relationships? 

“I don’t. It is draining trying to figure out how things would work especially with the way men can be. It is more peaceful to just let things happen however they were meant to happen. “ 

It’s not just her who’s struggling. To quote Bee:

First, it’s been impossible to be in a romantic relationship. When the realisation of what determines the difference between what my friendships are like now, with what this next level requires of me makes me rethink. I can’t really give people the romance they want from my end. I am also not a trial-and-error person for romantic relationships yea. Like people can learn to be attracted to people but I know I cannot. And this makes it hard to find a partner that is “mine” because of this. I would be in a situation where I like and love someone, but what would it be like to be sexual with them? And I give up on that in the end. I’ve been in a relationship before and I liked being attracted to that person. It’s not happened again and I’m just like, what’s the point?

When asked how she was navigating romantic relationships as an asexual, Zee  says 

“It’s a large part of why I’ve never been in an actual relationship. Because often times with romantic partners. I’m either overcompensating and doing things I don’t want to do because that’s what’s expected. Or feeling like my partner isn’t satisfied/happy because they aren’t getting everything they're supposed to be from the relationship. And then you can’t expect a normal person to abstain especially not for long periods definitely not forever.” 

If this piece were to have a moral it would be to let there be more accommodation among people. There’s more to relationships than the sexual aspect. Another would be that if you’re an asexual who’s currently struggling, you’re not alone. The best part about life is that you have not met everyone who was made to love you and that your person is waiting.