PLACE YOUR PLEASURE AT THE CENTER

In the chase for adrenaline, status, love, and all things adult life-related, we often lose sight of what truly belongs at the center of our lives. Or perhaps, we’re simply never taught how to center anything at all. In the cinematic shorthand of coming-of-age stories, there seems to be a recurring suggestion that we make it our pu**y. (gender-neutral)

This is of course in simpler terms to the greater truth; to pleasure oneself in a pursuit of an orgasm-like adventure or activity, need I say, even in the lack of orgasm, should be upheld.

Do you feel good? Do you feel sexy? Do you feel alive?

Placing oneself at the center is one bid to reaching pleasure but not all of it, not even any of it sometimes. Self sabotage is particular to every individual and anyone is susceptible to return to self destruct at any time. I say, Do it. Explode, Self-Destruct and Die the death that awakens your being within yourself. Self devotion is also another bid to pleasure oneself– return to the childlike version of yourself that did not know of limitedness, expectation or deadlines. The pleasurable part of existence is outside of knowledge of one's surroundings– strip yourself naked (not literally, please, or maybe take this literally and have some safe sex), rebirth yourself.

In the 2022 Swedish Film, "The year I started masturbating”  a 40-year-old woman named Hanna embarks on a personal revolution. Amid a divorce, job loss, and romantic confusion, she learns to think with her pu**y in mind. It’s a film about sensual autonomy, about placing yourself at the core of your decisions. 

Hanna’s turning point begins when a new friend introduces her to masturbation— something she’d never previously done nor prioritized. As she navigates the messiness of middle age, she learns how to access joy for herself, not for a partner, a job, or a role. She couch-surfs, she hooks up, she shows up to her child’s parent-teacher meeting hungover. She almost falls for a man who only wants her for a baby, and ends up working for someone she once supervised. And yet, through pleasure, she begins to feel whole. It ends with her refusing to get back with her husband who regained attraction for her after she started radiating joy from the pleasure she was giving herself, gaining her old job back but with an ability to stand up for herself and nurture her willingness to slack off and a sense of self. 

In recent times, people have been looking to de-center more and abandon things that do not serve them anymore or once served them but are no longer practices they are willing to indulge in but we never answer the question, what do we place at the center? My answer to that is Pleasure.

Forever (2025) is all the rage right now as the new black-centered film that celebrates black joy and healthy dynamics in black households; which comes up with the same point– pleasure first. The limited series offers a complex female lead character, whom I believe many of us can relate to. My girl, Keisha. Keisha is falling in love in high school after a traumatic event. The character made sure to listen to her instinct second and maybe her mother first. 

Keisha chose to go to prom with the love interest that I like to refer to as evil but he could more or less be an absent minded teenager. Here, she centered her mother’s interest over hers and it was obvious in behaviour and mannerisms during the prom send off. You lose yourself when you do not center your pleasure, I could say yourself but Keisha was the center– not her pleasure. As opposed to her interactions with Justin, even when it felt as though his interest was lost– she was pleased and wholly willing to pursue pleasure that she found within Justin. Pu**y first. 

Besides her inability to sacrifice her mom’s happiness for a boyfriend, Keisha knows where to stand her ground and listen to what pleases her the most. In the coming season, the audience can only hope for more resilient versions of Keisha where her pleasure comes first and foremost. 

These characters celebrate selfishness, self-centeredness and their own orgasm through self devotion and joy. As should you, not at the detriment of others but remember, It’s about you, the world as you know it revolves around you.