Born and raised in South Chicago, Ravyn Lenae is a musician who has a history of vulnerability, beautiful melodies and a mix of genres. Her discography so far details her relationship to self, people and the world around her. She does this in such a relatable way, as a listener you are able to feel everything that she is feeling with her. The ways that she translates her emotions within her music, not only within songwriting but also production, adds a timeless essence to her sound.
I’m not new to Ravyn Lenae’s music, I first discovered her when I was in my early teens. It was the ‘Crush EP’ (2018) and the song ‘Computer Love’. What attracted me to this song was the clear yearning and desire for the other person. It was the 2010s, documenting that experience of falling in love with someone through the phone. You can imagine at that age I really resonated. It was a false closeness, you were intimate but not quite because you have never touched. From here, her music has followed me all the way into my 20s, when life only got more complex. Lenae’s recent success with hit single ‘Love Me Not’ felt like it was about time the world recognised her ability to transcend genre and make intense love ballads. I love ‘Love Me Not’ but the song that has stuck with me the most is ‘Pilot’. When the guitar chords come in it feels like floating through the sky with eyes, clothes and my fingers making waves. She opens with, “Maybe I’m contagious // the way that I can push anyone away”. These words alone felt like a gut punch because it made me realise that my guardedness, that I once regarded as protection, was stunting me from growth.
A while ago I was texting one of my closest friends about post-uni life. We were just discussing jobs and careers and I admitted to her that I really don't know where I'm going with any of this. Even speaking to my sister, when she asks me the important questions about my career and where I'm going next, I instantly get defensive because I simply don’t know. Growing up I have prided myself in the fact that I’ve always known what I wanted, despite what was going on in my family home or in the world. I knew who I was and what I wanted to be. I’ve changed so much. When I listened to ‘Pilot’ by Ravyn Lenae it reminded me so much that life moves in waves. At times you're in control but other times you are not.
I struggle with uncertainty. It’s supposed to be this thing that can provide you freedom. That you can’t control your life and you can’t predict your future so you should just live in the present. But this has bruised me. It’s made me fear everything because what if something bad ends up happening instead of good. Uncertainty makes me anxious. I’m in this vicious cycle with myself, trying to navigate a future world that I do not and cannot understand. Beating myself for not having the answers straight away. I’ve changed so much. And I hate that. I hate it because I wasn’t expecting it. Three years ago, I was so different, in my head the person I used to be was way better than who I am now. But I think it’s because my life seemed so much more clearer. I knew what I wanted then. I don’t know what I want now. I’m so “small to the world I’m in”. I see that now. I’ve changed so much.
My change is something I’m growing to no longer fear but embrace. My being is complex and that’s okay. Who I was yesterday will change, I shouldn’t feel boxed in by this, I should feel pride because of this. My liberation is expressed through my ever changing nature. This is not something I understood before but completely understand now.
To be a pilot roaming is to be a person flying in a sky that’s too big for you to be in alone. Yet you still feel like you're driving your own plane. My 20s so far have been filled with a lot of lonely moments in the sky. Scared I may crash and burn. Or drop flat. But as I sit in this plane, with a destination that is uncertain, I am certain that I will land somewhere. There’s so much liberty in releasing who I thought I was and becoming who I’m led to be. I’ve been convicted. To stop repressing parts of me that needs to evolve. I am no longer chained to my past selves.
“Let go / far from everything I thought I was”
@elishasmalls_
Cover Image: Bird’s Eye (2024) Shot by Kennedi Carter
